Escape to Forest: Your Dream Holiday Inn Express Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! Because I'm about to spill the tea, the chamomile, and maybe a little bit of my own anxieties about "Escape to Forest: Your Dream Holiday Inn Express Awaits!" This isn't just a review; it's a vibe check. We're talking honesty, warts and all. Let's dive in, shall we?
(First Impressions, A Little Rambling…)
Honestly? "Dream Holiday Inn Express?" That's a bold claim. But hey, I need a break. My therapist (yes, I have one; don't judge) said I needed to de-stress. Forest, a place to “escape”? Sign me up. Okay, let's get this over with, shall we? I mean, the name "Escape to Forest" practically begs for some kind of dramatic entrance. Do I want a dream? Yes, I need a dream. And perhaps now I can take even more vacation pictures.
(Accessibility – Let's See if They Actually Get It…)
Okay, good news, accessibility is actually mentioned. That's a huge win right off the bat. Facilities for disabled guests are specifically listed, which sounds promising. I'm picturing ramps, elevators (thank the gods!), and maybe…just maybe…some accessible rooms. I'll have to investigate further, but for now, it’s a solid start. The fact that they mention it is a huge step up from some other places. They don't, however, specifically say "wheelchair accessible" in the intro, and honestly, that worries me. Let's find out.
(Wheelchair Accessible: The True Test)
Okay, so…no specific mention yet. Hmm. This is where the rubber meets the road, so the saying goes. Fingers crossed they've actually considered all the details. It’s not enough to merely provide a ramp! I'll try to get a read on this and update later. For now, let's assume it's a maybe?
(Internet - Ah, the Lifeline…)
Look, I'm a blogger. I need internet. Period. So, Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! – Praise be! Especially if my "dream" includes actually working and not just watching cat videos online like a proper hermit. The listing also specifies Internet [LAN], which is excellent news for those old-school types or if the Wi-Fi decides to throw a temper tantrum (which we all know it will at some point). So all in all I will say that, in my experience, the internet could be better.
(Cleanliness and Safety - Because, You Know, Life)
Right, so safety is kind of important. Actually, it’s very important, so I'm relieved to see a long list here. Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer – check, check, and check. This is reassuring. And it's not just a bunch of buzzwords, I hope (I'll be looking). Individually-wrapped food options is smart and keeps those germs at bay. They have a doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit which is good. These factors are essential for the new normal. Speaking of which, Shared stationery removed. Good riddance, stationery!
(Dining, Drinking, and Snacking – Feed Me, Seymour!)
Let's talk about the most important thing, food. Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], a Bar, a Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, a Snack bar, a Soup in restaurant. Okay, okay. I like this. I love this. Room service, 24 hours? I'm in! And a bar? Consider me sold. Now if only they had that breakfast buffet… But no! I see Breakfast [buffet] listed. Seriously? I am overjoyed. Wait. Hold on. Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant. Oh, my lord, that is a lot of choices, so…so many choices! This is going to be a fantastic experience.
(Things to Do, Ways to Relax, and…Oh, the Spa!)
This is where it gets really interesting. Because the name of the place is "Escape to Forest", I expect some relaxation options. So, I see things such as a Body scrub, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Steamroom, Swimming pool [outdoor]. and a Swimming pool. This could potentially be paradise. I can almost feel the stress melting away already. I’m particularly excited about the Pool with a view. That is the stuff dreams are made of.
(Services and Conveniences – The Little Things That Matter)
This is where a hotel either shines or… well, doesn’t. Air conditioning in public areas, Concierge, Daily housekeeping, Elevator, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes, Wi-Fi for special events. All very welcome. The Cash withdrawal could be useful. Xerox/fax in business center. Useful I guess. The whole list is good, and everything on it is nice to have, but nothing's exactly going to blow your mind.
(For the Kids – (Shudder) – Just Kidding! – Mostly)
Okay, let's be honest. I'm not a "kids" person. But for those of you with little ones (bless your hearts), the inclusion of Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal, is actually a huge selling point, and should be enough to convince even the most child-averse to book a stay.
(Getting Around – Navigating the Escape!)
Here we have: Airport transfer, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Taxi service, Valet parking… all good. The fact that the Car park [free of charge] is fantastic news. And because I'm a cautious person, I'd also like Bicycle parking. It's a nice touch.
(Available in all rooms – The Ultimate Comfort Zone)
Okay, the meat of the room features: Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, In-room safe box, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Satellite/cable channels, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens.
Whew. That’s a list! Air conditioning, Blackout curtains, and a desk are huge wins for me. That Extra long bed sounds pretty tempting. The Coffee/tea maker and complimentary tea, are essential. I adore Slippers. It's just a nice touch. And the Desk and Laptop workspace are a huge plus. The Free Wi-Fi is a must.
(My Experience: The Emotional Rollercoaster)
Okay, look, here's the truth. I booked a room. I went. The lobby? Gorgeous, with huge windows looking out at the… well, at the forest. (They weren't kidding about the name!). I had a quick, and I mean quick, check-in/out experience. I was whisked away to my room.
My room? It was… fine. Clean (that's a huge win), good-sized, and with those blackout curtains. I actually had some of the best sleep of my life. The real highlight? The pool. I literally spent an hour staring out at the forest and forgetting to think about my problems. Pure. Bliss.
The food? The buffet was delicious. I ate way too much, but the pancakes were so fluffy, light, and perfect that I couldn’t help myself. The staff were friendly and generally seemed to know what they were doing.
But… there were imperfections. The Wi-Fi in my room cut out a couple of times. The gym seems to be missing a few pieces of equipment. Nothing that ruined my stay, but little things that reminded me this was, ultimately, a Holiday Inn Express.
(Quirky Observations and Real Reactions)
I spent a shocking amount of time in my bathrobe. The robes, are perfect. I feel like I could have stayed in the robe for two whole days without issues. I'm not proud. I also may or may not have indulged in a midnight snack from the vending machine (don't judge my late-night chip cravings).
(The Imperfections - Because Nothing's Perfect)
The biggest letdown? The spa. While the spa services were top-notch, the spa area itself felt a little cramped
Echarm Hotel: Your Futuristic Guiyang Airport Oasis!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups. This ain't your glossy travel brochure itinerary. This is the REAL DEAL, a messy, hilarious, and probably slightly disastrous attempt at experiencing the "Holiday Inn Express Hotel & Suites Forest By IHG United States"… and maybe, just maybe, a tiny bit of Forest, too.
Day 1: Arrival & The Great Bed Coma of 2024
- 1:00 PM - Arrival & Check-In: Ugh. Travel. It always starts with a sprint through the airport - me, perpetually late, clutching a lukewarm coffee like my life depended on it. The flight was delayed thanks to "weather" (aka, I suspect a rogue flock of pigeons messing with the jet engines). Finally, I drag myself to the holy grail: the Holiday Inn Express. The lobby… well, it’s a lobby. Beige. Fluorescent lights. A slightly stressed-looking desk clerk. But hey, at least there's a vending machine. Crisis averted.
- Anecdote: Tried to make small talk with the desk clerk, something about how "excited" I was to be in Forest. She just stared back, probably battling her own existential crisis. The struggle is real, sister.
- 2:00 PM - Room Reconnaissance & the Bed Test: My room. Alright, let's assess. Cleanish. The TV remote is probably haunted (it never works on the first try). The carpet… well, it's carpet. Crucial test: THE BED. Lord, let it be comfortable. Sinks dramatically onto the mattress. YES. This is the good stuff. Sheets crisp, pillows fluffy. Commence operations: Coma Mode Activated. Honestly, I may just stay here all day.
- Imperfection: Forgot my phone charger. Of course. Now I'm tethered to the wall like a Victorian maiden.
- 3:00 PM - The Hotel Pool (or Lack Thereof): Discovered… there is no pool! Damn it! I saw a pool in the brochure. Lies, all lies! Now, I have to go to bed
- 4:00 PM - Snack Attack & TV Marathon: Managed to locate the vending machine. The selection is… questionable. Ended up with a bag of chips that tasted suspiciously like sadness. Found a channel playing reruns of a show I swore I'd never watch. Here I am, glued to the screen. My life is a joke.
- Quirky Observation: The flickering fluorescent lights are creating a weird strobe effect. Am I having a hallucination? Yes, probably.
- 7:00 PM - Dinner… in the Hotel? Fine, let's do it. The breakfast room has become the dinner room. The food is even more depressing here than the breakfast.
- Emotional Reaction: This is not the way to spend my life.
Day 2: Venturing Forth (Maybe) & The Great Breakfast Debacle
7:00 AM - The Great Breakfast Debate: Woke up famished. The "complimentary breakfast" beckons. Or does it…? Walked into the breakfast room, braced for disappointment. The reality? WAY WORSE. Stale bagels, rubbery eggs, and coffee that tasted like it was brewed in a swamp.
- Opinionated Language: This is an insult to the very concept of breakfast. A crime against the taste buds. I need coffee, and BAD. This is going to require a serious intervention.
8:00 AM - The Forest Attempt:
Planning: Okay, get a map and try to see what can be done.
Reality: Well, I ended up looking at the map but I got stuck in the hotel room.
12:00 PM - The Power of Air Conditioning: The hotel is chilly. The air conditioning is working. I will stay here.
- Anecdote: I put on my sweater and tried to get to sleep.
- Emotional Reaction: I felt so cozy.
7:00 PM - Dinner… out?
8:00 PM - The Vending Machine Strikes Back: The chips tasted better.
- Stream-of-consciousness: I should go to bed early. I probably will.
Day 3: Departure & The Bitter Sweet Goodbyes
- 7:00 AM - The Great Breakfast Debate (Revisited): Another day, another breakfast. It was even WORSE today.
- 8:00 AM - Room Clean Up: I realized I needed to clean up my room. I didn't. I'm messy.
- 10:00 AM - Check Out:
- Opinionated Language: Honestly, how can the rooms have all the features from this hotel? No pool and terrible breakfast.
- 10:30 AM - Departure: Back to the real world.
- Emotional Reaction: Bye Bye
1. So, what *is* "Escape to Forest" exactly? Because the name alone… gives me *feelings*.
Alright, lemme be brutally honest. "Escape to Forest" is trying *way* too hard to sound aspirational. It's essentially a… uh… *Holiday Inn Express*. In the forest. And I use the term "forest" loosely. Think more "slightly wooded area adjacent to a highway" than "Whispering Pines of Enchantment." But hey, the brochure promised me a "rustic adventure," so I figured, WHY NOT? (Famous last words, people, famous last words.)
2. Okay, fine. But what amenities are we talking about? Because, let's be real, a Holiday Inn Express can be *very* hit-or-miss.
Oh, the amenities! Ah, the sweet, sweet siren song of *potential*. They've got the basics, sure. Free continental breakfast (more on that later, trust me), a pool (small, but hey, water!), and Wi-Fi that *sometimes* works (bless). The website made it sound like they had a campfire pit. Reality? More like a sad little concrete circle behind the building that smelled faintly of burnt marshmallows and regret. I swear, I saw a squirrel looking at it with pity.
3. The breakfast. You mentioned the breakfast. Spill the beans (or the lukewarm scrambled eggs…)?
Oh, the breakfast. *The Breakfast*. It's a whole experience, my friends, a *journey*. Imagine a room, brightly lit by fluorescent bulbs, filled with the cheerful buzz of… lukewarm everything. The scrambled eggs, they had the consistency of rubber. The "sausage" patties? More like flavorless hockey pucks. The coffee? Weak, watery, and tasted suspiciously like sadness. But the waffles… the waffles were… well, they were *okay*. They had that pre-made, vaguely-cardboardy flavor that you've come to expect and secretly love. I ate three. Don't judge me. I was hungry, and the feeling of existential dread was getting to me.
4. What about the rooms? Are they… clean? Because cleanliness is *everything*.
Cleanliness… ah, that's where things get… *interesting*. My first impression? Tolerable. The bed? Surprisingly comfortable. But then you start looking *closer*. The questionable stain on the carpet. The faint smell of… something I couldn't quite identify (but I'm pretty sure it was some sort of chemical cleaner combined with desperation). The bathroom… well, let's just say I strategically avoided looking *too* closely at the grout. Let's just say I packed my own Lysol wipes. Look, it wasn't a biohazard, but "sparkling" wasn't exactly the word I'd use.
5. Okay, but the forest, right? You're there for the *forest* experience, yes? What was that like? Were there adorable woodland creatures?
This is where the "Escape" part of the name gets a little… ironic. The "forest" was… well, it was *present*. There were trees, yes. But the real highlight of the forest experience was the incessant drone of traffic from the nearby highway, and the occasional glimpse of a rusty old car on blocks. Squirrels? Sure, a few. Adorable? Debatable. One of them definitely gave me the side-eye. I did *not* see anything that resembled a forest fairy. Which, honestly, was probably for the best. I think that would have broken me. In short: don't come here expecting Redwood National Park. Lower your expectations, way, *way* down.
6. Any particularly memorable moments? Good, bad, or just plain bizarre? Spill the tea!
Oh, *memorable moments*. Okay, buckle up. I experienced… *the incident*. I’m still not sure how it happened. I was in the "fitness center" (read: a room with a treadmill that sounded like a dying walrus, and a weight bench that looked like it had seen better days). Anyway, I was attempting to… *exercise*. I’m not a natural exerciser, by any means. So, I was on the treadmill, watching a blurry rerun of some terrible afternoon talk show (because let's be real – the TV was not the main attraction). And then… *the power went out*. Completely. The lights flickered, the treadmill screeched to a halt, and I was plunged into darkness. And… the fire alarm went off. Not a gentle, "please evacuate" alarm. This was a full-blown, ear-splitting, panic-inducing *siren*. I swear I saw sparks flying from the treadmill. The entire hotel was tossed into chaos. People stumbling around in the dark, screaming. There was a small child in the hallway wailing like he’d seen a ghost. Turns out, it was a blown fuse. No big deal, right? Wrong. The hotel staff seemed utterly unequipped to handle the situation. It took them a solid hour to get the lights back on. And the fire alarm? Kept going. The experience? Pure, unadulterated *comedy* of errors. After all the chaos, they offered me a free waffle. The only thing I wanted was to run away, but I stayed. I ate the waffle (it was, again, okay). I’ll never forget it. It was the most ridiculous, stressful, and unexpectedly hilarious moment of the entire trip. And, honestly, it probably made the whole experience worth it.
7. Would you… recommend it? Honestly?
Look, I'm not going to lie. "Escape to Forest" is a Holiday Inn Express. You get what you pay for. It's not the lap of luxury. It's not a transformative spiritual retreat. It's… functional. But, if you're looking for:
- A place to sleep that's vaguely near a forest.
- A free (and potentially questionable) breakfast.
- A chance to witness a minor electrical disaster and a fire alarm symphony
