Chattanooga's BEST Hotel? IHG Hixson's Hidden Gem!
Okay, buckle up buttercup! This review is gonna be longer than your last Tinder date (hopefully more rewarding too). We're diving DEEP into a review of [Hotel Name], a review that's less "dry bullet points" and more "honest ramblings of a travel-obsessed lunatic." Get ready for the rollercoaster!
The Essentials (and the Annoying Bits):
First things first: Accessibility. This is CRUCIAL. And honestly? This is where it gets a little… sigh… mixed.
- Wheelchair accessible? Gotta check on their website. Why is this not listed clearly? I'm starting to get the itch when I don't see this easily. Accessibility is a must in this day and age. Let me just check the website… (Struggles to find it. "Contact us for more information" ARGH!). Okay, this is annoying. Lack of clear information immediately puts a damper on things.
- Elevator: YES! Thank GOD. (I mean, a modern hotel without an elevator? Run. Just run.)
On-Site (Eating, Drinking, and Being Merry…or Maybe Just Fed):
Okay, the food, the booze, the general vibe of where you're gonna shove snacks in your face – this is important. I'm a foodie, and I need to know if I'm gonna be weeping with joy or hiding in my room with a bag of chips.
- Restaurants: Multiple restaurants! YES! We like options!
- Asian cuisine, International cuisine, Vegetarian restaurant, Western Cuisine: Okay, they've got a spread. Sounds good, more to cover!
- Breakfast (Buffet, Asian, Western): A buffet is essential for serious carb-loading. The Asian breakfast, sign me in!
- Coffee Shop: Excellent! Caffeine is life.
- Bar, Poolside Bar, Happy Hour: Now we're talking! Poolside bar is a necessity for a good holiday, and happy hour is a godsend.
- Room Service (24-hour): Bless. You. Now I can eat pizza at 3 AM guilt-free.
- Snack Bar, Coffee/Tea in Restaurant: Good for the casual grazing, and tea is always welcome.
- A la carte, Buffet, Desserts, Salad, Soup: Gotta have options.
- Alternative meal arrangement: Good for picky eaters like me!
- Bottle of water: Essential. Hydration is key!
Relaxation Station (Spa-Day, Anyone?):
Alright, let's talk about how to unwind. This is where I expect to be pampered like a Kardashian.
- Spa, Sauna, Steamroom: Yes, yes, and YES! The holy trinity of relaxation.
- Massage, Body Scrub, Body Wrap: Sold. Give me all the scrubs. All the wraps. Give me… bliss.
- Pool with View, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: Multiple pools?! This is a fantastic plus.
- Gym/Fitness, Fitness center: Okay, I should probably use these… but the pool and bar call to me…
- Foot bath: Fancy.
Cleanliness, COVID Stuff (Gotta Be Said):
This is the sucky but necessary reality of travel now. Safety is paramount.
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options: Good. Doing the right things.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Crucial.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Makes me feel better.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: Love it. Gives me choice.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Essential.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Excellent.
- Breakfast takeaway service: handy.
The Room Itself (aka, Your Home Away From Home):
This is where you spend the majority of your time when you aren't gorging yourself, so it better be good.
- Wi-Fi [free]! Hallelujah! Essential!
- Air conditioning, Blackout curtains, Desk, In-room safe box: Standard, and necessary!
- Bathrobes, Slippers: Excellent touches. I'm a bathrobe fiend.
- Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea: Perfect!
- Hair dryer: Essential.
- Mini bar: Always a good thing… or a wallet-destroying thing depending on the pricing.
- Separate shower/bathtub: Luxury!
- Seating area, Sofa: Nice for lounging.
- Soundproofing: Please, dear god, soundproofing! (Especially if you're next to the pool bar.)
- Wake-up service: Helps me get up to eat lol
- Internet access- LAN: Might be useful, even though I mostly use Wi-Fi
- Additional toilet: Always makes life easier. Trust.
- Alarm Clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Bed, Blackout curtain, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/Tea maker, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens: Okay, the "available in all rooms" checklist is impressively long. Sounds good!
Services and Conveniences (The Stuff That Makes Life Easier):
- 24-hour front desk, Concierge, Daily housekeeping: Excellent.
- Cash withdrawal, Currency exchange, Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes: Handy.
- Dry cleaning, Ironing service, Laundry service: Nice if I don't want to iron.
- Elevator: Essential.
- Facilities for disabled guests: Important!
- Food delivery: Genius!
- Gift/souvenir shop: Always end up buying something dumb.
- Meeting/banquet facilities: Useful, although I'm usually not at a place like this to meet people.
- Pets allowed unavailable: No pets. sad face.
- Airport transfer, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Taxi service, Valet parking: Good for various travel preferences
- Convenience store: Useful, but are the prices insane? Will have to find out!
For the Kids (Because They Exist):
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: Good. This is important for families.
- Essential condiments, Elevator, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms, Pets allowed unavailable, Proposal spot, Room decorations, Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms: Okay, a good list.
Getting Around (Because Walking Everywhere is for Suckers):
- Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking: Seems to cover all the bases.
Things to Do (Beyond Eating and Sleeping, maybe):
Okay, let's be honest. Some of us actually leave the hotel room.
- Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Contactless check-in/out, Exterior corridor, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Luggage storage, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safe dining setup, Shared stationery removed, Smoking area, Sterilizing equipment, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center: Okay, a lot of options for business.
- Couple's room: Romantic, if that's your style.
- Shrine: A nice touch, for sure, depending on your needs.
- Seminars: Meh. Unless it's a seminar on "How to Eat ALL the Food," I'm probably not interested.
- Family/child friendly: Makes good sense.
- Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit: Important for safety and peace of mind!
The Verdict:
Okay, after all that verbosity, what's the bottom line?
[Hotel Name] looks like a solid choice. It seems like it has the essentials: clean rooms, decent services, and FOOD, FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD. The multiple restaurants, pool, spa, and bar situation
Luxury Living, Blazing-Fast Fiber, & Epic Cooking: Wind Residences Unveiled!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups. This ain't your grandma's itinerary. This is… my itinerary for a stay at the Holiday Inn Express & Suites Chattanooga Hixson, and let me tell you, it's gonna be a wild ride. Expect me to wander off topic, get lost in my own thoughts, and maybe even accidentally spill coffee on my meticulously crafted schedule. Don't judge me. You're probably doing the same.
Day 1: Arrival and… Deep Contemplation of the Breakfast Bar?
- 1:00 PM: Arrive at Chattanooga, Tennessee. (Okay, first hurdle: actually getting there. Let's hope the rental car doesn't have any… quirks. I've got a feeling the GPS is gonna be a pain in my butt. I'm already bracing myself for a wrong turn or two. You know, just to keep things interesting.)
- 2:30 PM: Check into the Holiday Inn Express. (The pictures online looked amazing. Fingers crossed the reality lives up to the hype. First impression is KEY, people. And if the lobby smells like stale air freshener and despair, well… we'll work through it.)
- 3:00 PM: Room Reveal and the Great Unpacking Debacle. (Unpacking is an art form I haven't quite mastered. It’s generally me throwing everything onto the bed and then slowly sorting through the chaos. My organizational skills are… questionable. I'll probably forget something essential like a toothbrush or, even worse, my favorite book. The emotional turmoil will be real.)
- 3:30 PM: Assessment of the Hotel Room. (Bed comfy? Bathroom clean? View… exist? I'm pretty particular about my hotel room. I want a nice view. Preferably of something that's not a parking lot. I need natural light, and I am not a fan of those super-bright, sterile lights that make you feel like you're in a hospital. If it's anything less than satisfactory, I'm immediately going to wallow in self-pity.)
- 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Leisure time. (aka: nap. Let's be honest, after all this travel, I'm exhausted. Or, if I'm feeling ambitious, a little pool time. But I wouldn't count on it.)
- 6:00 PM: Venture for dinner… somewhere. (This is when the true test begins. I haven't done my research on the local restaurants. That is a critical mistake to avoid. I have a bad habit of picking the food I crave, which is probably burgers. Oh, and I'm already dreading the inevitable "What do you want to eat?" conversation with myself. So. hard. and I'm talking about the hotel restaurant, which is… well, you never really know, do you? Fingers crossed for edible food.)
- 7:30 PM - 9:00 PM: Dinner and the dreaded "Checking Emails" routine. (I pretend not to care about work during vacation, but let's be honest. My inbox is probably a festering pit of doom. I will skim through the emails with a growing sense of dread, then quickly shut down and tell myself "Tomorrow, I'll handle it" while I watch a movie and try to relax.)
- 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Wind-down, book reading, hotel room observations. (My brain won't allow me to sleep. Because there is always a voice inside that wants me to be productive. So, I will read a book about something completely unrelated to my work. And I will probably wind up staring at the ceiling, making mental notes about the paint job, the noise from outside, and debating if I should call the front desk and ask for more pillows.)
Day 2: Ruby Falls and… Existential Crisis at the Breakfast Bar?
- 7:00 AM: Wake up. (Ugh. Why is it always so hard to get out of bed? This is going to be a struggle. I am not a morning person. At all.)
- 7:30 AM: Breakfast at the Holiday Inn Express. (This is where things could get interesting. The free breakfast is the best and worst part of staying at a hotel. It's the ultimate test of self-control. Scrambled eggs? Cereal? Waffles? The eternal struggle. I'm going to go for the waffles, but the eggs are going to call to me. The sausage will make an appearance, too. It's the ultimate buffet of disappointment, and I can't resist its siren song. I will try to get my fill before the crowds descend. I will try not to get too judgey about the other guests, but let's be honest, the people-watching is the best part.)
- 8:30 AM: Make the great exit from the Hotel. (Weirdly, the hotel key card never quite works on the first try. Always have to go back. Always.)
- 9:30 AM: Head to Ruby Falls. (I have never, ever, seen a waterfall, and maybe this is going to be the best part of the whole trip. It's a cave, which is… cool. I'm hoping for a good tour guide who doesn't talk too fast and who has a great sense of humor. I'm anticipating feeling vaguely claustrophobic and then being totally blown away by the waterfall itself. I am also praying that the gift shop isn't too touristy. I have a weakness for kitschy souvenirs.)
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. (Gotta find someplace to eat!)
- 1:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Rock City. (Another tourist trap! I hear this one is famous. I'm anticipating amazing views and probably crowded walkways. I fully expect to get lost and mildly annoyed by the masses of people taking selfies. But, you know, gotta see "See Seven States" and all that jazz, right?)
- 3:30 PM: Back to the hotel. (Time to relax! Probably a nap. A long one. Or, maybe I'll hit the pool.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner. (Let the search begin again!)
- 7:30 PM - 9:00 PM: Wind-down, TV, planning for tomorrow. (This is when I probably start getting restless again. The question of the day will be: What am I going to do tomorrow?)
Day 3: Leaving and… The Aftermath
- 7:00 AM: Wake up. (Ugh #2. Why?! I'm so not ready to go home yet.)
- 7:30 AM: Breakfast. (Please be good).
- 8:30 AM: Pack my stuff again. (I'm likely to lose something, so let's get it over with.)
- 9:30 AM. Check out. (The dreaded moment of departure. Did I leave anything? And the front desk… did they charge me correctly? All the anxieties return.
- 10:00 AM: Get started to go home. (Maybe, just maybe before leaving, I'll grab a coffee to ease the pain.)
Final Thoughts:
This is a work in progress. I will probably deviate from this schedule. I reserve the right to spontaneously decide to spend an entire afternoon at a coffee shop or just stare out the window at the world. The best trips are the ones where you let go and just experience things, right?
And who knows, maybe I'll make some amazing discoveries, find new favorite things, or just have a truly awful (but hilarious) time. Whatever happens, I'll be sure to share my unfiltered thoughts… and maybe even some pictures, if the camera gods are on my side. Wish me luck, people. I'm gonna need it."
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So, what exactly *is* the point of all this? Like, the whole FAQ thing itself?
Ugh, good question. Honestly? Sometimes I wonder. It *started* as a way to... I don't know, organize my thoughts? Provide answers to things people *might* ask? But things went downhill quickly. Now it's more like... therapy, a journal, a comedic outlet, and a platform to air my grievances about the lack of good coffee in this city. A little bit of everything, really. Think of it as a sprawling, slightly chaotic brain dump.
Are you...human? Like, actually?
HA! Good one. *Am* I human? Well, I haven’t yet been officially designated one by any authority, nor do I have a birth certificate, a driver’s license, or the ability to eat an entire pizza by myself without suffering the consequences. But I can tell you that if you’re looking for perfection, well… I’m deeply, delightfully, *not* it. I eat too much chocolate, I leave my laundry until it becomes a biohazard, and I've cried over both a broken nail and the ending of "Schitt's Creek." Sound human enough for ya? I'm also super prone to going off on random tangents about squirrels. They’re *everywhere*, you know? And they judge me.
What's the single most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you? Spill the tea!
Oh, sweet heavens... where to even *begin*? Okay. Deep breath. There's the time I accidentally wore mismatched shoes to a wedding. Not *slightly* mismatched. We're talking one sensible black pump, one glittery, sky-high gold sequined sandal. You know, the kind you wear to Vegas. The kind that screams "I'm clearly not sober and also, I have no idea what I'm doing with my life." That incident? Mortifying. But then there’s the time I tripped face-first over the curb in front of my crush AND my *mother*. The sound of my face scraping against the pavement still haunts my dreams. And the fact I had a chipped front tooth at the time? Don’t even get me *started*. Okay, *that's* the embarrassing moment. The chipped tooth was just… it was the cherry on top of the "completely mortified” sundae.
What do you *actually* do all day? (Be brutally honest.)
Alright, alright, let's get down to brass tacks. The reality is a glorious mess of the mundane and the slightly insane. My days usually involve a significant amount of staring blankly at the ceiling, pondering the meaning of life, and then scrambling to meet any kind of real-world deadline. I wake up, then I'm immediately thinking about what to eat that day. Then I make coffee, (or if I’m feeling fancy, a tea. The problem is with tea is that is doesn’t provide quite the same get-up-and-go power). I avoid my pending email inbox, and then I either get to work, or I don’t. Sometimes that is. Depends on the day. There are also a lot of walks around my neighborhood (the squirrels judging me again, of course). I might read a book, and then feel guilty if I don’t remember the first name of the main character. I have a constant internal battle between wanting to be productive and wanting to curl up in a blanket and watch old episodes of "Frasier." (Don't judge, it's a comfort thing!). And I eat. A *lot*. (See earlier chocolate comment.) Oh, and I spend a frankly embarrassing amount of time looking up weird facts online. Like, did you know that sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins? See? Totally essential knowledge.
What's your biggest pet peeve?
Oh, where to begin? I have a *lot*. But, okay, let's pick one: slow walkers who completely block the sidewalk. Seriously, people! Are you *trying* to cause a traffic jam? I swear, I've developed a whole arsenal of passive-aggressive maneuvers just to get around them. I'll dramatically cough, I'll sigh loudly, and if that doesn't work, I'll just accept my fate and start plotting my escape to a deserted island. Also, people who are intentionally vague in online dating profiles. The amount of ambiguity is maddening!
What's something you're secretly (or not-so-secretly) obsessed with?
Okay, this is where the confessions begin. I am *deeply* obsessed with true crime podcasts. I find them both fascinating and terrifying. I blame the fact my childhood was filled with Nancy Drew novels. I follow countless subreddits dedicated to unsolved mysteries. I spend way too much time analyzing crime scene photos. (I should probably be on some kind of watch list, now that I think about it….). But hey, I also binge-watch baking shows. See? Balance! (Though, to be fair, I'm a MUCH better consumer of baked goods than a baker myself.) I’m also obsessed with… you know what? Squirrels. I can’t help it! They're fluffy, they're sneaky, and they're constantly judging me. It’s a whole thing.
What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?
Okay, real talk time. The best advice I ever received was from my grandmother. She was a tiny, fiery woman who had seen *everything*. She always said, "Don't worry about the things you can't control. And eat the damn cake." It's a simple… maybe slightly unhelpful… sentiment but it's stuck with me. It's helped me navigate the inevitable chaos of life. And, let's be honest, the cake part is just plain good advice. Especially chocolate cake. With buttercream frosting. (Starting to get hungry now, actually…)
What are you *really* hoping people get out of reading this whole thing?
Hmm, that's a good question, isn’t it? That's the kind of question you actually SHOULD be asking. Probably more than "are you human?" or "what is your biggest pet peeve?" I guess... that it's okay to be a mess. That life isn't always perfect, and that's totally fine. That it's okay to laugh at yourself, even when you're wearing mismatched shoes. That sometimes, the best thingLuxury Stay Blog
